Adventures in Online Dating: Anxiety about Writing a Dating Profile

I feel so exposed.

Now that I’ve made peace with the idea of online dating and actually find myself looking forward to the experiences ahead, I am faced with mild anxiety about the awkward prospect of creating a profile describing myself. This seems like a really odd thing considering that I am a writer and what I am known for writing is usually about some aspect of myself, my life, or my thoughts. You would think those two things would mean that writing a profile would be easy-peasy. Yet truthfully, given what I observe about online dating through the experiences of friends, maybe this isn’t so odd. 

It seems, from this outsider’s point of view, that the online dating world is much like that of Facebook or Instagram. You need a carefully culled and visually pleasing photo to capture the attention of prospective dates paired with a short, cleverly worded, catchy opening paragraph that entices the viewer to pause long enough to see if, with one picture and very few words, the essence of you tickles their curiosity and makes them want to know more. This is the part that has given me great anxiety, and still does, even as I get closer to the edge of the diving board, willing to jump in.

 While I’m usually pretty comfortable being vulnerable and authentic when I write, the truth is that what I write is usually pretty deep. And although I realize I may be short-changing the world of online dating with the following assumption, it doesn’t seem like dating profiles are usually very deep or vulnerable. I imagine them to be more like Ms. America pageant interviews where contestants share their wishes for world peace, or like some Instagram posts that clickbait you with funny stories or attention getting devices just to try to sell you something you reeeally don’t want. I am trained as a social worker and a yoga teacher, for Pete’s sake. I’m not some salesy marketing exec who knows just how to write something catchy that will go viral with their target market. I’m not completely comfortable selling myself, and isn’t that what a profile is meant to do? And omg, how am I supposed to write something that connects with my target audience when I’m not even sure how to realistically define my target audience? This is so outside my comfort zone.

I seriously just can’t imagine how all of this is going to come together. While I love to laugh, few people in my life would say that I am naturally funny. And while I truly LOVE listening to and have a deep respect for natural storytellers, I don’t think I fall into that category either. Just thinking about it makes me feel very anxious and exposed. Although I want a deeper view into the hearts and minds of others, the truth is, the thought of having strangers sort through MINE is a wee bit uncomfortable.

“Although I want a deeper view into the hearts and minds of others, the truth is, the thought of having strangers sort through MINE is a wee bit uncomfortable.”

To be honest, it’s not only what to say that gives me anxiety; choosing a photo of myself is also an issue. I am usually behind the camera, taking pictures of my kids, friends, and family. And, like so many women, I’ve struggled all my life to find pictures of myself that I actually like. Some of my reluctance is that I have an uncanny knack for being caught in a photo with my eyes half shut or my mouth awkwardly open.

Classic me: Eyes shut AND mouth open, lol!

I am not one to take selfies with endless funny expressions or staged poses. I don’t know that the me that I really am truly shines through in most photos, especially when I am by myself in the photo. Now maybe all humans that engage in online dating struggle with choosing a photo, but knowing that fact doesn’t help me get over it. I still have to work through these issues. Hence, I haven’t done it.

So where do I go from here? Of course, to truly know, I will have to choose an online dating platform and just figure it out. Join me next time as I wrestle with all the options and choose one that is best for me. These decisions won’t make themselves, so let’s get to it.