Adventures in Online Dating: Picking a Dating Platform
You gotta start somewhere…
When I decided to finally become serious about online dating, and dove into Google to do a little research, I had no idea that there were so many sites to choose from. One article said that there are over 1500 online dating sites in the US. Holy cow... Seriously?! I think reading that derailed my research for about a week. But procrastinating wasn’t getting me anywhere, so I got back to it.
Fortunately, there were some articles that helped narrow the options, and then from those, I focused on articles for those of us over 40 or 50 years old. I have no clue how many articles, blogs, and opinion pieces I read, collecting data and trying to see if the research would lead me to the platform that would work best for me.
I talked to a few single friends who had online dating experience and my therapist, who not only has used dating apps but also knows me really well.
I thought and over thought, trying to figure out how to make this decision. (And probably using research and over-thinking as a way to put off making this decision...bless my heart.) In retrospect, I wanted the “right answer” to be clear. It wasn’t. I was going to have to just pick a platform and trust myself to figure it out.
What it took to make the jump was a quiet night at home after a glass of wine. Based on the opinions and experience of friends, I decided to start with eHarmony. For me, the appealing logic behind eHarmony was that the price point and extensive personality questionnaire were a big enough commitment to draw members who are more serious about dating (and not just looking for a hookup). I admittedly was also swayed by a friend’s experience of meeting her husband through eHarmony. Over the course of a few months, she met a handful of men that were well matched for her, and did eventually marry one of them.
I gathered my courage and stepped onto the diving board. However, as I began submitting my info, I discovered several intimidating surprises just below eHarmony’s surface. And, as you may have noticed, I am not a big fan of the unexpected, the unexplained, or the undisclosed. What had I gotten myself into?
My first lonely dive into this online dating business.
The first surprise was the quiz they use to determine who will be a good match with your personality. While many people complain about how lengthy it is, my issue was that I didn’t like many of the question/answer combinations. Now that I think about it, if I didn’t like the question/answer combinations, how can I have much faith in how my answers are used to find good matches for me? Hmm. Something to consider.
Second surprise was that, although free options are advertised, free options don’t allow you to see the pictures of the men you are matched with. Maybe I should have expected this, but I did not. Who would agree to meet someone for a date without even knowing what they look like? I can't. Even. Imagine. The free options also don’t give you access to review your own personality profile, which I had just spent half an hour completing. I was already in the water, so it made sense to pay to see who was in there with me.
Technically, the price of the subscription was surprise number three. While $450 per year breaks down to $37.50 per month, this wasn’t an easy amount of money to spend on something for which I didn’t yet know the value. If I had to do this over again, I might check out the app for a month before deciding to invest for a year in it. Luckily you can learn from my mistakes.
Surprise number four is that they give little guidance on how to interpret the Compatibility Score that they give each potential date. You would think they would email you with this information as a way of encouraging you to find matches within their database, but they didn’t. After a few weeks of frustration over trying to interpret its value, I finally dug through the resource section of their website to understand their scoring system. Not that this was difficult, but still...it didn’t feel as user friendly as it should have been.
“While I had been agonizing over what pictures to use and what to write in my profile, it appears that most men do not.”
Surprise number five: while I had been agonizing over what pictures to use and what to write in my profile, it appears that most men do not. There are more bathroom mirror and driver’s seat selfies than I ever could have imagined. Hindsight is 20/20, but I definitely should not have stressed so much about creating a profile. I am pleased with the results, with my selection of pictures and my responses to their battery of questions, I realize now that I didn’t need to worry so much. I can go back and change my profile at any time as I figure out how I want to do this. My profile isn’t set in stone, and typos aren’t terminal. I was wearing myself out trying to do it perfectly. Seriously. I think too much.
I also have to remember that I trust God (or Life/The Universe–you do you) to bring experiences and people across my path from whom I can learn and with whom I can grow. It worked with organic dating and I trust it will work with online dating. The platform is just a tool I am using to expand my world a little bit.
I’ll do so much better in all of this if I can come from that place. You might need to remind me though...